bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
