I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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