At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
