My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize