i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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