They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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