If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
