just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
