i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I intend to get homeless drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
