I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
