Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
