cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
