"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
