my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize