Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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