yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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