If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i will never coherently bang her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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