I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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