It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
