you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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