So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
