I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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