There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
