you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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