Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
