I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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