I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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