my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
