Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
