i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
