I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
