I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
