thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
