I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you win again, gameday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
