im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
