I am puke
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
