Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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