I didn't shave. On purpose
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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