I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
