LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
