he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
