So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
