do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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