And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
