OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
