its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
