Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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