mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
