I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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