he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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