If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
