But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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