While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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