i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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