some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
