got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
