Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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