1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is not my ceiling
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
