o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
