dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
