I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
