I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
