If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
