I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
