The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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