Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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