dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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