there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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