Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
