it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
