i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
