And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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