so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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