Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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