dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
