I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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