its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
