She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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