The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
