It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
