It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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